So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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