you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
