you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
