Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
