but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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