They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
