just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize