you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Houston, we have a blender
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
