she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
