WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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