he wants to bone in the snuggie
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
