even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
