I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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