i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
