i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
