her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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