too bad you live with your parents still
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
