We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
