Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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