Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
