she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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