a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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