Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
