the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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