i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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