My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
