I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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