Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They have beer where we have blood.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
