the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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