Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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