never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
