YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
