Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my being single is dangerous.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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