I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
