found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
