wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
