As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
