we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
