D3 body, D1 cock
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
