you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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