Can Purell be used as lube?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
