what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
