5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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