Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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