Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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