I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
