so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
