My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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