1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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