I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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